You’re not alone.
Quick disclaimer: If you’re the parent who feels like you’re doing this raising kids abroad thing exactly right then yeah, actually, you may be alone.
The rest of you . . . are not.`
You’re not the only expat parent who is haunted with a nagging sense that you may have made a horrible, horrible mistake. You’re not the first to feel like you’ve ripped your children from the safety and security of the “real world” and plopped them down on another planet, light years away from everything “normal” where they are doomed to grow up backwards and weird with no concept of home or roots or friendships that last beyond two years. You are not alone – worrying that your life abroad has the potential to do more damage than good.
I know you’re not alone for two reasons:
1. I’m just like you
2. I’ve met a boat-load more who are just like me.
I get it — it’s only slightly comforting to know that the boat is crowded when it feels like you’re headed for a waterfall but before you jump ship there are some things you should know.
First . . .
You’re kids are getting something rich out of this.
It’s true. It’s hard to see sometimes but something is happening in your kids’ core. Something formative and good. Exposure to other cultures (even the hard parts) shapes a person. It sharpens them. It equips them for real life stuff. Your kids are learning to see people (this is so good) . . . as people . . . and NOT stereotypes or scenery or jokes.
That’s a skill that you can’t teach but there is not a scenario in the world where it’s not valuable.
This is gold.
Also . . .
Your normal is not their normal.
For me it’s baseball. That’s the thing I miss for my kids. Small town little league and major league stadiums. Great memories and I can’t help but feel like my kids are missing something big.
But that was my normal . . . not theirs.
There is no gaping baseball sized hole in their heart. They’re not mourning something that they never knew no matter how much I think they should (or even wish they were). They’ve got their own normal though and it’s good too.
Not as good as baseball . . . but really, really good.
And have you considered that . . .
Living abroad is probably not the source of ALL your problems?
I’ve seen the families on the other side. The ones whose kids have never felt jet lag or tasted mystery meat or been stuck without toilet paper or had to say goodbye to their best friend . . . six times. I’ve even seen the kids who actually know the answer to “where are you from?”
Know what? They’ve got waterfalls too. Big ones.
Living where they live would not solve everything.
The truth is . . .
This is a good boat to be on.
Not just for your kids — for you too. All things considered and waterfalls excepted, would you trade this for anything?
I love the people on this boat. I love that we all feel a little bit lost sometimes and none of us has it figured out completely. I love that when we do figure something out we share it with each other and not a single one of us acts like we already knew it (even if we did). I love what my kids are learning on the journey and I’m pretty sure I even love where we’re headed (as long as we can steer clear of the big drop at the end).
So it seems to me like we’ve got three choices: Jump and swim for more familiar waterfalls. Scream like banshees and hope the plunge isn’t that painful.
Or . . .
Grab a paddle.
Upstream isn’t easy . . . but my kids are worth it.
I’d bet baseball that yours are too.