COVID 19 is a dirty, rotten criminal. Ironically, not even a smooth one.
It snuck in and no one saw it coming, but it made a bunch of noise and stayed way too long. Got greedy. Got cocky. Thought it could take everything.
Got news for you COVID … you don’t get everything. Not even close.
And you’re a jerk. Nobody likes you.
Full disclosure: This post comes on the heels of weeks of self-pity and sorrow over the loss and confusion that this thief has created — head spinning and scrambling, trying to figure out what comes next. Days of feeling like all is lost.
Maybe you’re in the same boat. Like you’ve just walked in your front door and realized that your home has been ransacked.
You feel violated, vulnerable, angry, terrified.
Here are seven thoughts to help you get back what this no good, sneaky, spineless thief has taken.
ONE: Less than equals more than nothing
It has been a painful realization but I have to settle for less this year. Less connection. Less engagement. Less quality. Less certainty. Less of the people I love and want to be spending time with.
You do too.
The world does.
But less is NOT nothing.
Don’t settle for the lie of “all is lost.”
Unanticipated, unchosen, undefined, homeschool is less. But it’s not nothing.
A zoom call is less. But it’s not nothing.
Social distancing, self-isolation, and even quarantine are much, much less that what I want right now. So much less than what I am used to.
But they are not nothing.
TWO: List your losses
Something magic happens when you get specific.
The pain gets real but so does the beauty of what’s left.
It’s natural when you’ve been violated to focus entirely on the violation.
It demands your attention.
But taking the space to list the actual losses gives you the space to set those things aside and deal with them as they need to be dealt with.
What has actually been taken?
Connection with your people? Your job? Your graduation? Your retirement plan? Your dream wedding? An important funeral? Your summer plans? Your routine? Your plan? Your sanity?
Whatever it is. Call it out. Tag it. Set it apart from what hasn’t been taken.
Don’t give COVID credit for what it hasn’t accomplished.
THREE: Don’t play the victim
Thieves love a victim. That’s the whole point.
Power preys on the powerless.
The victim waits helplessly for the hero to come and rescue them.
Newsflash — this thing has impacted EVERYONE. That means that everyone needs help and everyone has the potential to help someone else.
If your ONLY focus is on seeking help then you are draining the shallow pool of resources that other people need more desperately than you.
Look around. Find a need. Meet it.
FOUR: Find your thankfuls
Time for a full life inventory. What do you have to be thankful for? Focus your attention on that.
To be clear — finding thankuls is NOT the same as ignoring loss. It’s not looking on the bright side. It’s not simply happy stamping this mess and pretending like nothing bad has happened.
But a thief would love nothing more than to steal your joy — and joy is all around you.
Pick three. What are you most thankful for, even in this mess. Start your days there and see what happens.
FIVE: Box out
Sorry. Basketball reference.
Boxing out is what happens when the shot goes up and you are close to the basket. You anticipate the miss even though you have no clue what is about to happen, and you prepare yourself to grab the ball and run with it. You do everything you can to get in position for the next play.
COVID isn’t going to last forever. How are you preparing yourself for what comes next?
SIX: Stop with the superlatives
“COVID has changed EVERYTHING!”
“NOTHING will EVER be the same!”
Stop it. Just stop it.
Focus your attention on what hasn’t changed.
Your family. Your friendships. Your people. Your places. Your values. Your routines. Your pets. The pictures on your wall. The things that make you snortlaugh. Your addiction to Netflix.
Full disclosure: I caught myself on this one. COVID for me means a whole new chapter. New country, new work, new home, new school for my kids, new community, new friends and a LOT of hard goodbyes. It was easy to say, “this changes everything.
But that’s a lie.
A lot has changed — But not EVERYTHING.
SEVEN: Find the gold
It may not feel like it at the moment but there is very likely some beautiful bit that never would have been possible apart from this jacked-up tragedy.
Time with your family? When are you EVER going to get it like this again?
Life has come to a halt? Remember when your biggest frustration was “I’m too busy?”
Don’t minimize the loss — but don’t miss the gold nuggets.
There is no doubt that this virus has taken a lot from us. It has thrown the world into shock and the losses are huge.
But pause.
Just for a moment.
Gather your bearings. Take a realistic inventory. Find the help that you need. Help someone who needs you.
And go get your stuff back.
You lost me when you said “Homeschool is less” under the section about settling for less. There are people out here who choose homeschooling and would say homeschool is more than public or private school could ever attempt to offer. More hands on learning, more customized education, more quality time with family, more attention, more flexibility, more character development, more faith interwoven. It’s all in how you see it.
True homeschooling is not less but definitely instant homebound schooling which wasn’t prepped for is much less and I believe that is what he was implying.
Thanks Mendy. You said that so much better than I did.
I agree with you comment Mendy regarding what was being implied. I have a few friends that have never homeschooled and they were just devasted as well as their young elementary school aged children. When it first hit, they were totally at a loss and didn’t know what to do, not to mentioned financial hardship etc. Praise God that things are much better for them both now, with help from others.
Sarah — Thanks for pointing that out. So important. There is a massive difference between homeschooling and what is happening now to families who weren’t doing that already. Your experience was a well thought out, prepared, important family decision that obviously works well for you and millions of others. Not less of an education in any way. That was not my point in any way but I get how you could read it that way. In fact, I would assume that your decision to homeschool before COVID hit gives you a clear advantage to be able to continue a high quality education without skipping a beat.
For many though, this has thrown us into a chaotic disruption. We got an email that said, “homeschool starts tomorrow” and we were unprepared and at different levels, unwilling. Teachers who were educated and skilled in a classroom were forced to instantly transpose their lessons and methods into an online format and trust that parents would have the ability and capacity to translate it into solid learning. Add to that the incredible range of family dynamics, dysfunctions, work schedules, extra stress and for some (like us) the dynamics of living cross-culturally, navigating multiple time zones, and planning a relocation while we are trying to teach our children with curriculum that was never designed to be home based and there is a huge loss. This version is not at all what homeschool can be and yet there are moments of deep connection and genuine learning. So the loss is not total
I should have been more clear about that. You’re right to draw attention it.
Where are you all now? You mentioned new school, new home, new work? Also, it is good to name our griefs and losses (#2 List our losses). My daughter’s wedding has downsized to about 20 people outdoors from about 100. It was always going to be outside, so that’s a thankful for this season. My son, who graduates high school, just gave up a chance to play college men’s volleyball in favor of sticking closer to home and going to community college. I feel sad for his decision since he’d been recruited to play but he is at peace with it and I support him in that. Thankfulness is key. I’m so thankful for this season of sons at home who now are eager to learn basic life skills like cooking, menu planning, how to fix things. Before, they were so busy with school and sports they had no interest in that. Keep up the great writing. I always enjoy your blogs.
Beth — I love the way you framed that. Those losses are real and so is the grief that comes with them. AND you’re still finding the pieces that are worth being thankful for along with some that would have never existed apart from this stupid mess. Brilliant.
We are still in China but this is knocking us out. We’ll be moving to Malta as soon as COVID allows which is exciting and scary, hopeful and sad.
I know I’m behind the game but just caught up with this post and appreciate you Jerry! Hold on bro, and keep sharing inspiration.