There’s a ton of information out there for expats who are coming down to the last days of their time abroad on how to Leave Well. I say fair enough since — you know — it’s an important topic — and I wrote a lot of it.

 

Click to read

• Leaving Well
• Landing Well
• Staying Well
• Receiving Well

 

Here’s the thing. Not EVERYONE WANTS to leave WELL. What about those people? Don’t see many books or blog posts out there for them do you?

So here you go. For those who are just done. Over it. SO ready to fly away, never look back and leave a trail of mess behind them.

(Alternatives offered for those still on the fence)

 

Here are TEN WAYS to Leave Poorly

 

ONE: CHECK OUT EARLY

Finishing is hard. Let’s just get on with it. Want to leave poorly? Turn your FULL attention to NEXT as soon as you can. Spend every spare moment daydreaming, Googling, Youtubing or Zillowing the next thing. Do the bare minimum on this side. What are they gonna’ do? Fire you?

 

An alternative: Set aside specific hours to pay attention to “NEXT”. Focus like a laser beam during those hours. Dream. Plan. Job hunt. Connect — but set an alarm. Then be PRESENT where you are. Don’t let frustration steal your best moments.

 

TWO: SNEAK OUT THE BACK DOOR

People have a lot going on. They don’t need to be bothered by your dramatic departure. Farewells are hard and frankly, the people who are NOT leaving are kind of sick of it. Book your flight early and don’t tell people when you’re leaving. Send an email later (if you think of it).

 

An alternative: Let it hurt. Let it be awkward. Do the crying and the hugging and the intentional eye contact blubbering. Say what you really feel before you fly away. 

 

THREE: FAKE A FIGHT

Let your Leaving Brain take over — it will do the rest. Somewhere in your subconscious, you understand that leaving is hard BECAUSE it is good. The gooder (now a word) it is, the harder it is. So put your brain on autopilot and let it drum up some some self protective conflict. Presto — less good — less hard. It’s simple math really.

 

An alternative: Recognize what your brain is doing. You’re normal if extra (sometimes petty) problems show up during transition. Keep short accounts. Apologize quickly. Deal with the hard stuff but don’t let it drive. 

Click here to find out Why Transition is Like Puberty

 

FOUR: START A SMALL THRIFT STORE

This is a GREAT way to leave poorly AND make some cash on the side. Make sure you get the BEST price for EVERYTHING you get rid of. Be firm. People will come rushing in like vultures trying to get a good deal. Don’t get taken advantage of.

 

An Alternative: Take a financial hit for a relational gain. Your stuff is valuable but your time is precious and your people are priceless. Don’t feel guilty for selling your stuff but don’t let it rob you of time with your people. Consider giving your best stuff to your best people as a departing gift. They’ll see it and think of you for years to come. The money will be gone in days. 

Click here to read “Transition and Stuff”

 

FIVE: FOCUS ON THE DARK SIDE

Repeat after me: “I am SO BUSY!!”

Try this one: “This place is STUPID!!”

One more: “I’m EXHAUSTED!!”

Now take a few minutes and think of your own. Choose five. Write them on post-it-notes and put them around your home. Be very intentional to start EVERY conversation with one of these five. Don’t be fooled by sweet gestures and niceties. You’re too busy for that — probably too tired as well.

 

An Alternative: Acknowledge that parts of this are just plain hard. It IS exhausting. You ARE busy. But this is a season and it’s going to be over soon. Now realize that the good things are going with it too. This place may be challenging AND you will probably miss it terribly. 

 

SIX: JUST LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

Busy? Stressed? Exhausted? Take all of your post-it-notes from number 5 and put a HAPPY STAMP on them. Just smile big and speak in cheery tones. Ignore the bad stuff — you’ll be gone soon anyway, Avoid the “bad” people — you never have to deal with them again if you can just hold on.

 

An alternative: Deal with your issues. Forgive people. Ask for forgiveness. Address it all but do it in such a way that you can move forward. Little secret: Issues fly. Skipping them now doesn’t mean they won’t travel with you. 

 

SEVEN: STEAL THE SHOW

You are leaving. That’s a big deal. Probably the biggest deal in your life right now. Fair enough. INSIST that it become the biggest deal in everyone else’s life as well. Dominate the community with the “I AM LEAVING YOU SHOULD BE SAD” narrative.

 

An Alternative: Be sensitive to the community who gets left A LOT.  Put some time and thought into a plan for maximizing the VALUE of farewell times without dominating other people’s already busy schedules. Don’t contribute to “FAREWELL FATIGUE.” It’s ok for this to be the biggest thing in your life and not theirs.

Click here to read about The Transition That Never Ends

 

EIGHT: SAVE YOUR LAST WEEK FOR YOUR LANDLORD

A surefire way to leave poorly — consider the most annoying and frustrating tasks possible and ensure that your final moments are spent doing exactly that. Never fails. Why spend time sharing meals and connecting with your closest friends when you could be closing bank accounts, stopping cell service or fighting with your landlord about how much it costs to fix a scratch on the refrigerator.

 

An Alternative: Get your affairs in order early. Take care of logistics or at least set them in motion so your final moments can be shared with the people of your choosing.

 

NINE: HAVE A SUPERHERO COMPLEX

You’ve worked hard. Put a lot into this place. It’s probably going to fall to pieces when you leave. Spend a ton of time making sure that your replacement will be able to do EVERYTHING EXACTLY like you have. Consider every possibility and leave detailed instructions. Convince yourself they’ll actually do it that way and pretend that it is all for their good and not just to satisfy your sensitive ego.

Bonus tip — Start every line with: “It’s TOTALLY up to you but you’ll probably want to . . . ”

Passive aggression is the best.

 

An Alternative: Take a deep breath. Your contribution means something. Your work has been good — but expat communities are transient and forward moving. Your impact will be felt but something is going to change from the way you have done it. Help your successor . . . don’t box them in. 

 

TEN: LIVE GRACELESSLY

Times of transition are tough for everyone . . . but mostly for you. Make sure people know that.

 

An Alternative:  Forgive and seek forgiveness even before you’re asked. Let people off the hook when they say or do stupid things. Make people your priority on the way out. Give grace like crazy to all of them . . . and keep some for yourself. 

OR

You could leave poorly. Either way.